You never remember exactly what it's like to be pregnant, so I want to write a few things in order to help myself remember why it's not as fun as it sounds (and everyone can think I'm crazy for even considering that I might have another one, BUT, most women I know have said they 'just knew' when it was their last...don't feel it, so I doubt it):
1st month: I hate everyone for being alive. That's how I know I'm pregnant. And I don't forgive anyone for being alive until, a: I get on happy pills, or b: I give birth. This is also when heartburn sets in, and doesn't go away...ever. (Except this time I have a wonderful doc who gave me Prevacid and now it doesn't burn!! Why doesn't every pregnant woman get this just like they get prenatal vitamins??)
2nd month: I have to go to the bathroom all the time. I do love eating at this point...which then leads to gaining weight too fast, then not caring and eating more...bad cycle.
This is where tiredness sets in...pretty sure it doesn't stop until the kid leaves the house, so at this point in my life it really shouldn't matter. But don't forget the unquenchable urge to sleep mid-day, and the frustration at not being able to because of all the other kids in the house.
3rd month: I have to wait a month to find out what I'm having (which appears not to be very exciting for us), and I still have to eat all the time, and I'm still gaining too much weight, and I'm starting not to like it.
4th month: I feel like everyone should know I'm pregnant cause I feel pregnant and I've been pregnant for long enough already, but I don't show...I just get fat. Thighs get large, butt gets insanely big, and the uterus hides the baby deep in my belly so I look like an two-scoop ice cream cone.
5th month: I don't remember why this is a bad month, which is bad sign in itself!
6th month: (See 5th month), but add that now the baby moves enough to give me weird, euphoric dreams.
7th month: People know I'm pregnant and ask when I start showing!! I AM showing...like a whale shows off! Only my belly is more like a tire than a 'cute pregnant belly' so it's just not pretty. Oh, and don't forget how great it is to eat after this point. Gratefully there is Prevacid, so the acid doesn't come up, but the food sure does...at least in small, sickening spurts, especially when I'm laying down--which is also the baby's favorite time to practice gymnastics, using the stomach area as leverage.
8th month: Swelling, huge belly, stomach issue worsening, no bending, no energy, Sciatic nerve starts acting up....need anything else?
9th month: One word synopsis: Crap.
Feet are sore, both from swelling and the extra 50lbs I'm carting around. Legs hurt from the weight and the nerves being pinched.
Hips--girl, don't forget how much the hips hurt--spreading enough for about two footballs and then some, plus the kid kicking on them all the time, cause he's ALWAYS already down on the hips.
The bladder, oh boy. Never can tell if it's time to have a baby or go potty since the bladder and uterus become inseparably connected in ways that aren't right.
Baby's movements are 'so cute' but not so fun. He's always HUGE now, so there's not room enough for the two of us, and he's not budging.
Stomach issue is worse, so eating is a CHORE. I HATE eating. I'd rather be hungry, but luckily I don't often feel hunger pains, just light-headedness and the feeling that if food is not put into the body soon, all may be lost (which doesn't sound so bad some days).
Boobs...well, I should just leave that out, but in the back of my mind I think of the Himba women in the bush who never experience 'support'...that should help.
Sleeping. Wait, what is that?
Also keep in mind you just wait...for weeks on end you wait. And every day of that waiting you think that maybe this contraction will be hard enough to 'do something' and then you hope they'll keep coming.
And also remember that people are still alive, and that's annoying.
Oh, and don't forget nesting. It's not just the day before, it's the whole dang month. First you want to clean out garbage cans, then it's the garage, behind the fridge, behind the stove, the closets aren't clean enough, the cleanliness isn't clean enough...it never ends. And this wouldn't be bad if it wasn't for that HUGE belly that keeps you from feeling capable of completing any task without grunting, groaning and hating that you ever wanted to start it in the first place. Nesting is WAY over-rated.
And delivery will have to be written about after this one, cause right now it's all I live for, so it still sounds like a better alternative than pregnancy. And pain? Come on, it's not as bad as an earache!!
That sums it up. Unless I forgot something, then I'll remember the next time I'm pregnant.
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I am with you on the delivery. I want her out so bad but I am just waiting and waiting. I have realized that I am not very patient. I just want her out. I know once I go into labor I will think what was I thinking but oh well right now I am so uncomfortable, swollen and tired that I don't care. Thanks for writting this. It kind of gave me a good laugh for some reason. Maybe because I could think I hear ya sister and see it all happening to me. Like running to the bathroom because I changed postions and am now going to pee my pants. Good luck too you.
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