I learned long ago not to put off journaling something you want to remember, but clearly I don't follow through. Of all my children, Lelia may be the one who cares the most about her birth story, since she will
be the one going through it herself (if she chooses, I guess)...so here's what I can put together.
Where to start now....
We wanted a baby on 11/11/11. Everything lined up right, so we were hoping for labor to cooperate too. I had made my weekly appointments in advance, and although at the time I didn't think we'd really get our wish and have the baby on 11/11, I DID think we'd have her on the actual due date of 11/12, or at least before the 16th, which was the date the midwife had given us, so even when I made all my appointments, I didn't think I'd be keeping them. Oh my, was that a long couple weeks!!
Planning a birth at home was new to us, and as the due date drew near, I admit I was nervous. We had all our questions and concerns addressed already, but it was somewhat unfamiliar...even though I've had 4 babies already. Because of the added nervousness, I kept worrying that I was preventing my body from going into labor. However, Josh gave me a blessing at one point and I knew it was fine, but that she would come when she was ready. I'm really glad she waited until she did, even though it was hard to wait. She came so much better prepared for life!
I had an appointment on the 10th. She stripped my membranes, I think. I had contractions all the time, but after that some nights they actually woke me up. I'd be diligent and time them, but I never felt anxious enough to wake Josh up or call Dr. Trautman. Some nights they were 10 minutes apart, sometimes they were really painful but further apart. Every night they would stop.
Then I had an appointment again the 17th. I was pretty devastated going into that appointment, having made it fully thinking I wouldn't be needing it. Dr. Trautman was not happy I hadn't called her on the nights I'd been having contractions, but since we hadn't needed her, I wasn't too worried about. I did tell her I'd call if it happened again. She definitely stripped membranes this time and we both figured it'd be over the weekend. I made an appointment for Monday, just in case.
Definitely had contractions over the weekend, and Andrea came. That was both wonderful and frustrating, because she was coming to see a new baby, not a pregnant sister! However, she had asked to be at the birth if it happened while she was here, so it turned out great to have her.
I went to my appointment Monday the 21st. Dr. Trautman was surprised I hadn't delivered over the weekend. I was frustrated and tired. She stripped membranes again and was sure I wouldn't need another appointment before the baby came. I recall having really hard, strong contractions throughout the evening, but they were never regular. I slept for a while, then I couldn't sleep well. I think it was around 4 AM that I called and let the midwife know I was hurting, but not regularly. She told me to rest as much as I could, but call her again when they were closer. They never got closer. I did sleep more.
I think she called me the next morning asking how I was because she had a home visit in another town. She came and checked me. Still disappointing. For all the pain I'd had (which wasn't THAT much, but still...), I was only dilated to, as far as we can recall, only about a 5. BUT (she was really encouraging), I WAS in labor so whatever my body was doing, it was going to have a baby. So she left and told me to call if contractions became regular. Never called. She called again when she was back in town. And I can't remember if she or I called after 2, but we decided she'd finish up some shopping and then come over. Still no regular contractions, but some of them really hurt.
Josh had busied himself all day doing things. In general it was SUCH a busy time to have a baby!! Andrea was cooking all day Monday and Tuesday. We had 6 cute kids around to keep entertained and happy. Thanksgiving was a big deal, and although it might have been bigger, we wanted it still to be full of food and good times. Josh was doing everything I would have done besides all he would have done. PLUS he was nervous about having a baby in our house and getting everything ready. I had kept him from putting up the pool until the day of...I didn't want to see it and feel frustrated over and over. There was some serious frustration related to that too--the adapter to hook the hose to the shower head didn't actually fit. So, he used the water source to the washer in the closet (luckily we had it), and the water ended up being too hot, since he had to fill it hot then cold...in shifts. We also had the hose fly out of the pool a couple times too. He was a stressed Daddy a few times that day. He also was determined to make some soup so that I would have something good to eat, along with those at the birth, at any time. I feel like I hardly saw him, or had his support for just me, with all the other things he was doing. EVERYTHING else was MUCH better about being at home. It was just hard not to have him worrying about me and only me.
Once Dr. Trautman and Ty (her assistant) came, it felt like we were in business and really going to have a baby. She made me sit and stand in different positions to try to encourage contractions. I couldn't get in the pool until they were regular, but I wasn't hurting enough that I thought I needed it anyway. We visited some, she set things up and got paperwork done, then we played a game. Andrea took dinner to the kids at Mom's and helped feed them. Finally I went to lay down for a bit. Laying down actually made the contractions hurt, so I asked if I could get into the pool. She came to check me again. Still only about a 6. She asked if I wanted her to break the water to see if that would get things regulating. Anything to have a baby! It was just before 7 PM at this point.
After a contraction or two on the bed, we made the steps to the pool. The water felt good, but a bit hot. It definitely alleviated pressure. I had another contraction or two, and asked Ty, who had delivered in the pool, what a good position was to be in so the contractions didn't hurt. I tried leaning over the side of the pool, but that hurt too. (Although none of this was EXTREME pain, just pain.) I moved again and after another contraction I told Dr. Trautman I felt like I wanted to push. She asked if I wanted to, or my body did. I told her I wasn't sure. She checked and said there was no cervix, so I could. And I did. Andrea and Josh were near me and softly encouraging me...or maybe they were just being quiet. I was calm and already knew what to do. Pushes and rests and figuring out a good position and very soon we had a baby. Liz had to change gloves mid push so there was no catching...she kind of floated out. Pretty sure before I even got out of the tub there was more than one comment about me making it look easy. Quite frankly, this time it WAS easy. I hadn't really planned to birth in the water, but I hadn't planned not to either. It was comfortable and where I was when it was time. It definitely takes the pressure off the back, and everywhere. It was indeed the most comfortable birth I've done. And no, I have never had pain medication, so I would know comfort at a birth!
We moved to the bed. We nursed and snuggled. She was a natural at being a baby! She was so strong and her sucking reflex was excellent, plus she looked perfect because she hadn't been stressed during labor/delivery. It was so fun and peaceful to have her in our home right off. No changing rooms, no tubes, no monitors, no hookups, no overnight wake-ups, no unnecessary checking or prodding at the baby...just us. Healthy, happy, safe, clean. At home. My own VERY comfortable bed, shower, food, clothing. Yes, I LOVED it.
After Andrea had enjoyed the medical stuff and the brand new baby stuff, she went to Mom's to relieve her and give her the chance to come see too. Mom and Tyson came. How fun to have them so soon after birth! Soon after, the rest of the crew came and got to watch the newborn check Liz did. They were very enthralled and tried to be quiet and respectful. It was so cute. I was very tired at this point, and knew I'd get very little sleep during the night. Liz and Ty stayed until about 10, to make sure everything was wrapped up and the baby and I were doing okay.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Happy Days Update.
I am really doing well this week and love life and kids even! We've had fun playing games and being together, which is wonderful. I also have an amazing blessing of patience like I've never experienced. Spencer was vomiting on the kitchen floor while I was feeding Lelia (he threw up 9 more times that night), and after a moment of stress, I realized it wasn't a big deal...love the poor guy, then clean up when I can...no biggie (plus I have a sinus infection, so I couldn't smell ANYTHING. Probably helped a lot). He went upstairs and did it again. Still no stress from me, I just knew I'd be cleaning more, and that I'd keep him close by me for a while!! Parker and Tyson showed me how AMAZING they are during it all! They emptied the bucket and got new clothes for him...and they help with everything else.
Parker is notorious for hating to clean, but with my positive way of asking him, he has risen to the occasion and really helped a lot. Josh and I complimented him and Tyson for their amazing help tonight--I think they liked it :)
Earlier this week I had to run quick and pick up Kaden from a birthday party. Since it was so close I didn't feel like it was worth it to pack Lelia in the car...so I left her in Tyson's care (yup, risky right there). When I pulled in the garage he opened the door holding the baby...which was a little weird cause I had left her in the bouncer and told him to just talk to her and keep her happy. Well, seems Spencer found out the catapulting abilities of the bouncer. Nope, she wasn't buckled in, and that might have been best. The seat flew forward and she hit her head on the hard wood floor. Had she been stuck in the seat, she would have still hit the floor, but Tyson would have had a chore getting her out to hold her. He's such a good kid under pressure! And no, she wasn't crying when I got home...what a good brother!
Kaden has had a couple rough days, one after eating a cupcake (I have such a love/hate relationship with gluten). Overall though, he WANTS to be a good boy, and that makes all the difference. Just today he said to me, "I love you. I didn't tell you that yet." I'm pretty sure he had, but how much joy my little heart feels when he makes sure he tells me multiple times a day.
Spencer, well, this week has been rough with his tummy being sick, but nice because it has mitigated his energy level. My new approach with him is to ask if what he is doing is naughty or mean, because he understands those. He'll answer honestly, so then usually he'll also stop if it is. I'm also trying to give him and Kaden more attention when they are being good, and I'm redirecting Spencer all the time, which seems to be working. It IS a lot of work for me, but I'm happier, so it's worth it!!
Lelia is sleeping 6+ hours at a time, and we're stretching it to 8, and she is so happy and started giggling yesterday...it was SO funny and adorable. I was being irresponsible and feeding her in the car (we were on a tight schedule, so I justified it). She was already distracted looking and smiling at me, which was making me laugh, and then when we went over speed bumps, for some reason she thought that was pretty funny, so she laughed. Loved it! Later she laughed for my mom too, who was talking to her and tickling her lips with her binkie. Stages are so fun!
Life is simple and joyful, and that overwhelmed feeling comes and goes a lot quicker.
We had our last therapy session last week. We graduated :)!!! He said we are a great couple; he and we feel confident we'll be able to practice our new skills and just keep improving everything. It has helped me so much even with the kids...it's hard to say it was worth ALL we paid, but it was worth money!!
I feel so blessed.
I think the last year, which takes the cake for the worst I can recall, is being overshadowed with the joy of this one so far! I have plenty of motivation to make it last....and plans in place already!
I feel like this is half-way a confession of irresponsible parenting. Wow. Then again, welcome to FIVE kids...oldest being 7 1/2 and being in survival mode--all the time.
Parker is notorious for hating to clean, but with my positive way of asking him, he has risen to the occasion and really helped a lot. Josh and I complimented him and Tyson for their amazing help tonight--I think they liked it :)
Earlier this week I had to run quick and pick up Kaden from a birthday party. Since it was so close I didn't feel like it was worth it to pack Lelia in the car...so I left her in Tyson's care (yup, risky right there). When I pulled in the garage he opened the door holding the baby...which was a little weird cause I had left her in the bouncer and told him to just talk to her and keep her happy. Well, seems Spencer found out the catapulting abilities of the bouncer. Nope, she wasn't buckled in, and that might have been best. The seat flew forward and she hit her head on the hard wood floor. Had she been stuck in the seat, she would have still hit the floor, but Tyson would have had a chore getting her out to hold her. He's such a good kid under pressure! And no, she wasn't crying when I got home...what a good brother!
Kaden has had a couple rough days, one after eating a cupcake (I have such a love/hate relationship with gluten). Overall though, he WANTS to be a good boy, and that makes all the difference. Just today he said to me, "I love you. I didn't tell you that yet." I'm pretty sure he had, but how much joy my little heart feels when he makes sure he tells me multiple times a day.
Spencer, well, this week has been rough with his tummy being sick, but nice because it has mitigated his energy level. My new approach with him is to ask if what he is doing is naughty or mean, because he understands those. He'll answer honestly, so then usually he'll also stop if it is. I'm also trying to give him and Kaden more attention when they are being good, and I'm redirecting Spencer all the time, which seems to be working. It IS a lot of work for me, but I'm happier, so it's worth it!!
Lelia is sleeping 6+ hours at a time, and we're stretching it to 8, and she is so happy and started giggling yesterday...it was SO funny and adorable. I was being irresponsible and feeding her in the car (we were on a tight schedule, so I justified it). She was already distracted looking and smiling at me, which was making me laugh, and then when we went over speed bumps, for some reason she thought that was pretty funny, so she laughed. Loved it! Later she laughed for my mom too, who was talking to her and tickling her lips with her binkie. Stages are so fun!
Life is simple and joyful, and that overwhelmed feeling comes and goes a lot quicker.
We had our last therapy session last week. We graduated :)!!! He said we are a great couple; he and we feel confident we'll be able to practice our new skills and just keep improving everything. It has helped me so much even with the kids...it's hard to say it was worth ALL we paid, but it was worth money!!
I feel so blessed.
I think the last year, which takes the cake for the worst I can recall, is being overshadowed with the joy of this one so far! I have plenty of motivation to make it last....and plans in place already!
I feel like this is half-way a confession of irresponsible parenting. Wow. Then again, welcome to FIVE kids...oldest being 7 1/2 and being in survival mode--all the time.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Healing Respiratory, Sinuses and Ears Naturally
I'll just quickly go over what we do for any upper respiratory illness and ear infections...and include websites to explain it and make it shorter for me. I will openly admit that it takes a lot more work than giving them pills--DEFINITELY! Our understanding of our body, its need, and ability to heal have changed a lot, so it's much more worth it to us than giving them antibiotics that hurt more than they help....since there are other options. (There is a time and place for them--just not for ear infections in our home anymore! :)
1. First thing when they start with runny noses and such, we pound the vitamin C. NO, I don't think it makes their illness shorter, but our bodies use LOTS of it when we're fighting respiratory/nasal congestion, so I make sure their bodies have what they need.
2. Also, at any health food store, you can get a syrup that has Elderberry, Echinacea, and sometimes another something or other. I get whichever says it is for respiratory support (Elderberry IS). Echinacea is an immune support, so it's good for a lot of viral ailments. I follow the guidelines on the bottle. The one I have now is the Sambucus brand (which is also sold at Rite Aid), and we give them 1-2 tsp twice a day. If whichever kid is sick likes the Echinacea tea, I also have them drink that, which I buy at Walmart.
3. Then, there is the amazing wet sock treatment. Here is a passage from a website telling about how it works:
This treatment acts to reflexively increase the circulation and decrease congestion in the upper respiratory passages, head and throat. It also has a sedating action, and many patients report that they sleep much better during the treatment. The treatment is also effective for pain relief and increases the healing response during acute infections.
The wet sock treatment is used in conjunction with other modalities to treat inflammation, infection or soreness of the throat, headaches, migraines, nasal congestion, upper respiratory infections, coughs, bronchitis and sinus infections.
And here is a site that describes how to do it. http://www.vsnaturopathy.com/Wet-socks.html
The boys ASK for it, so I figure they are not tortured by it, and that it helps.
4. IF they have a cough, then we add something to the bottom of their feet. Vicks vapor rub does well; we also use essential oils (both on their feet, nose and chest).
5. As for essential oils, Melaluca (or tea tree oil) is the favorite for ear infections. You can buy it from lots of different places online and probably in health food stores, but I personally recommend doTerra, as their oils are very pure and effective. I am signed up through them, and you can order through me, but this is HONESTLY not a plug for that...they just work.
You put a drop of the oil behind the ear and then put it on a cotton swab and swab the ear canal. My oils don't recommend putting a drop down the ear canal, but I know some do that and it works too.
We also diffuse oils into the room with whomever is sick. We have a few different ones we use, but it seems to help a lot, especially when they are coughing.
6. Humidity helps too. If you have a cough with congestion you use a warm humidifier, if it's the dry coughing spasms, you use the cool mist.
7. Avoid citrus (seems backward, I know), peanut butter, dairy, and sugar. All these foods cause more mucus production, and sugar actually inhibits the immune system for hours after eating it.
Food allergies can DEFINITELY make ear infections worse, or be a leading cause. If your child gets them often, ask about ALLERGIES before SURGERY (a suggestion from me, who had TWO children get tubes in their ears)!
I have been taught a lot of this stuff by our amazing Natropath. We don't have health insurance, therefore it is SO much more cost effective to see her. We also are more and more convinced that there are MANY more natural and safe ways to help our bodies heal, so we LIKE seeing her. I'm not fanatical though...we would see a regular doctor if needed, and she refers us on when there is something more needed. We are enjoying the benefits of ALL health information. :)
1. First thing when they start with runny noses and such, we pound the vitamin C. NO, I don't think it makes their illness shorter, but our bodies use LOTS of it when we're fighting respiratory/nasal congestion, so I make sure their bodies have what they need.
2. Also, at any health food store, you can get a syrup that has Elderberry, Echinacea, and sometimes another something or other. I get whichever says it is for respiratory support (Elderberry IS). Echinacea is an immune support, so it's good for a lot of viral ailments. I follow the guidelines on the bottle. The one I have now is the Sambucus brand (which is also sold at Rite Aid), and we give them 1-2 tsp twice a day. If whichever kid is sick likes the Echinacea tea, I also have them drink that, which I buy at Walmart.
3. Then, there is the amazing wet sock treatment. Here is a passage from a website telling about how it works:
This treatment acts to reflexively increase the circulation and decrease congestion in the upper respiratory passages, head and throat. It also has a sedating action, and many patients report that they sleep much better during the treatment. The treatment is also effective for pain relief and increases the healing response during acute infections.
The wet sock treatment is used in conjunction with other modalities to treat inflammation, infection or soreness of the throat, headaches, migraines, nasal congestion, upper respiratory infections, coughs, bronchitis and sinus infections.
And here is a site that describes how to do it. http://www.vsnaturopathy.com/Wet-socks.html
The boys ASK for it, so I figure they are not tortured by it, and that it helps.
4. IF they have a cough, then we add something to the bottom of their feet. Vicks vapor rub does well; we also use essential oils (both on their feet, nose and chest).
5. As for essential oils, Melaluca (or tea tree oil) is the favorite for ear infections. You can buy it from lots of different places online and probably in health food stores, but I personally recommend doTerra, as their oils are very pure and effective. I am signed up through them, and you can order through me, but this is HONESTLY not a plug for that...they just work.
You put a drop of the oil behind the ear and then put it on a cotton swab and swab the ear canal. My oils don't recommend putting a drop down the ear canal, but I know some do that and it works too.
We also diffuse oils into the room with whomever is sick. We have a few different ones we use, but it seems to help a lot, especially when they are coughing.
6. Humidity helps too. If you have a cough with congestion you use a warm humidifier, if it's the dry coughing spasms, you use the cool mist.
7. Avoid citrus (seems backward, I know), peanut butter, dairy, and sugar. All these foods cause more mucus production, and sugar actually inhibits the immune system for hours after eating it.
Food allergies can DEFINITELY make ear infections worse, or be a leading cause. If your child gets them often, ask about ALLERGIES before SURGERY (a suggestion from me, who had TWO children get tubes in their ears)!
I have been taught a lot of this stuff by our amazing Natropath. We don't have health insurance, therefore it is SO much more cost effective to see her. We also are more and more convinced that there are MANY more natural and safe ways to help our bodies heal, so we LIKE seeing her. I'm not fanatical though...we would see a regular doctor if needed, and she refers us on when there is something more needed. We are enjoying the benefits of ALL health information. :)
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Only 6 weeks left....
I guess once I feel good, I see no need to whine, or write about anything. However, the liveliness that has graced our home is noteworthy, to say the least.
Last Thursday (September 22nd) I went in for my routine prenatal check, and then had a consultation about a blood-allergy test we did on Kaden (our Midwife is also our Natropath). Life was normal until then. His test showed allergic reactions to every food we regularly eat, except the fruits and veggies. So, right there I decided our whole family would need to change our diets in order to help Kaden, and to see if any of the rest of us have similar issues. Boy, that was kinda dumb. (Side note: We decided to have him tested kinda because our doctor suggested it, and kinda because he is SUCH a cranky kid. He also complains of stomach pains somewhat regularly, only has a BM every other day, and is more likely than the other boys to have any illness result in bowel issues too. He tends to have a stuffy nose often and will be more lethargic on any given day than I remember my other boys being. He does NOT eat a high sugar, high fat or high anything diet, so it's not like I was trying to poison him with unhealthy food. HAHA, instead I was poisoning him with HEALTHY foods.)
So with that heavy on my mind, I tried to take it in while surviving the rest of the day. So then of course while we were eating dinner, Spencer has to follow Tyson upstairs, go in a separate room, and then cry the cry of death. He is the toughest of little guys, so when I saw pure fear in his little eyes and when he could not stop crying, even when he really tried, I KNEW something was really not okay. I assumed it was a bone-related issue because he had no marks on his skin. So, I called the chiropractor, knowing it would be cheaper to have him checked there first. Little did I know the chiropractor does house calls!
Less than 10 minutes later he was here, and his movement of Spencer's body and careful looking over him informed us that no bone was out of joint, but more likely a break or sprain. He did a light adjustment on Spencer's Sacrum, and Spencer didn't cry again. SO grateful I thought to make that call first.
We thought about waiting until the following morning to take him to an urgent care, but after phone calls indicated that there was not a long wait, I thought it best to go then and avoid morning rushes. Luckily I chose right. We were in and out...with a broken Tibia...in no time. That news was a HUGE blow considering it came with the instructions that he should not walk on it for 6 weeks.
Right.
He's 2. I have 7 weeks of pregnancy left.
Yeah. Right.
The next days were endless, or have been since, rather. I have spent HOURS pouring over recipe books that are gluten free, and then have suggestions of how to substitute eggs, dairy, peanuts, almonds, and soy. Add with those coconut oil and garlic and you pretty much can't eat anything.
Plus I have worried over Spencer. He didn't do well the first two nights. By Saturday night having not slept I had had enough and finally at 1 AM I took the darn wrap off his leg....only to find that what had actually been hurting him was the sores he had developed on his foot and heel. SO wish I had followed the instinctive prompting to take it off earlier. We re-wrapped it every night after that, just to let his foot get air. He moved his leg around as if nothing had happened, and clearly had no pain (I'm still not convinced he needs the dumb cast).
SO, the blessings:
1. Spencer is mobile. He has taught me that feeling sorry for yourself when you are in the midst of a situation that cannot change is simply a waste of time and energy needed for figuring out how to live with it. He scoots around, asks for help, figures things out, and even wrestles and plays basketball with his brothers--who have so cutely accommodated him by playing 'floor ball'.
2. Spencer only has to have the non-walking hard cast for 3 weeks. Very much an answer to prayers, considering it could have been 6!! He asks to see the doctor every day. Somehow he knows that will mean the cast comes off again.
3. We are not starving...we are stretching ourselves, learning, and 'cleaning out'. There are tasty things to be had that do not involve gluten, dairy, or eggs. It isn't the same, but it's still good.
4. Kaden may already be showing signs of improvement. He has seemed more capable of dealing with 'no' for an answer, and has been more loving and patient with his brothers. Plus, more important to me than anyone, he has had bowel movements every day, with no complaints of stomach pain....only leg pain from having to sit and wait for me too long.
5. Kaden is a good sport!! When I told him we were changing our food because his body doesn't like some of the things we are eating, he didn't have an issue. He hasn't whined about not being able to have the food he's used to. He doesn't eat as much now, but he's eating and not complaining.
6. We are all learning to sacrifice. Parker and I had a bit of a cry together about the food. Josh has been SO supportive and not eaten anything he shouldn't, even when no one was watching. Tyson has tasted everything, lied about liking it, and kept eating just so I don't feel bad. (Spencer's not eating much, but I don't know if that is related to his decreased mobility or dislike of food.) I have wanted to give up because I am making EVERYTHING we eat from scratch (except Chex cereal and tortilla chips), and it's wearing me out! Besides the fact I hate being in the kitchen when I'm pregnant as a general rule anyway. But I'm not giving up--there are so many reasons why I can't.
7. Perhaps this is the unseen blessing--I'm on my feet and more busy. I'm completely exhausted every night. My body is being pushed and stretched more than I'd like it to be. But considering the circumstances surround the upcoming birth of this baby, I tend to believe this is what I NEED, whether I like it or not. So, in the end, all this stress could be a HUGE blessing. Even so far as having to carry Spencer around--which I, and he, sometimes prefer to do on my back.
In the end, we hope our prayers are answered and there are little or no foods that Kaden or any of us have to avoid for life. Josh had the impression that if we pray about it and feel like it's appropriate, Kaden, or any of us, can be healed with a priesthood blessing. So we'll definitely be praying and pondering and hoping to know the Lord's will. This is a huge deal, and can effect SO many things you don't even think about until it happens to you. And although I have a testimony that we suffer some things in this life for our good, some things may not have to be endured if we but ask the Lord.
Kaden will very likely be able to add foods back in after we purge his body for 4 weeks. So either way, I know all we are doing will not be forever. But if he had to live without gluten for life...it's a big deal. (I want to start by adding Coconut oil back in!! I know that is weird, but there is only ONE butter alternative we have found and it's REALLY expensive and can't be used in place of butter because it's a 'spread' and too watery. Coconut oil is the solution to many unsolvable issues right now! (Like good-tasting popcorn too!)
And, just to add it in--I'm feeling emotionally okay. Not great, cause I'm still pregnant, but okay. My mom has been a HUGE blessing and help. These couple additional issues have made her even more invaluable right now. I am handling things as best I can. I was doing so well I tried going off the herbal 'happy pills', but when I started hating Josh, I decided the pills better stay.
The baby is growing and seems to be fine. Still moves like crazy, especially when I lay down at night. Josh has enjoyed watching the 'show' across my belly and also feeling around to decipher body parts. I'm just glad we're closer to being done. September went by quickly, so I'll keep myself busy this month and hope it does the same.
Last Thursday (September 22nd) I went in for my routine prenatal check, and then had a consultation about a blood-allergy test we did on Kaden (our Midwife is also our Natropath). Life was normal until then. His test showed allergic reactions to every food we regularly eat, except the fruits and veggies. So, right there I decided our whole family would need to change our diets in order to help Kaden, and to see if any of the rest of us have similar issues. Boy, that was kinda dumb. (Side note: We decided to have him tested kinda because our doctor suggested it, and kinda because he is SUCH a cranky kid. He also complains of stomach pains somewhat regularly, only has a BM every other day, and is more likely than the other boys to have any illness result in bowel issues too. He tends to have a stuffy nose often and will be more lethargic on any given day than I remember my other boys being. He does NOT eat a high sugar, high fat or high anything diet, so it's not like I was trying to poison him with unhealthy food. HAHA, instead I was poisoning him with HEALTHY foods.)
So with that heavy on my mind, I tried to take it in while surviving the rest of the day. So then of course while we were eating dinner, Spencer has to follow Tyson upstairs, go in a separate room, and then cry the cry of death. He is the toughest of little guys, so when I saw pure fear in his little eyes and when he could not stop crying, even when he really tried, I KNEW something was really not okay. I assumed it was a bone-related issue because he had no marks on his skin. So, I called the chiropractor, knowing it would be cheaper to have him checked there first. Little did I know the chiropractor does house calls!
Less than 10 minutes later he was here, and his movement of Spencer's body and careful looking over him informed us that no bone was out of joint, but more likely a break or sprain. He did a light adjustment on Spencer's Sacrum, and Spencer didn't cry again. SO grateful I thought to make that call first.
We thought about waiting until the following morning to take him to an urgent care, but after phone calls indicated that there was not a long wait, I thought it best to go then and avoid morning rushes. Luckily I chose right. We were in and out...with a broken Tibia...in no time. That news was a HUGE blow considering it came with the instructions that he should not walk on it for 6 weeks.
Right.
He's 2. I have 7 weeks of pregnancy left.
Yeah. Right.
The next days were endless, or have been since, rather. I have spent HOURS pouring over recipe books that are gluten free, and then have suggestions of how to substitute eggs, dairy, peanuts, almonds, and soy. Add with those coconut oil and garlic and you pretty much can't eat anything.
Plus I have worried over Spencer. He didn't do well the first two nights. By Saturday night having not slept I had had enough and finally at 1 AM I took the darn wrap off his leg....only to find that what had actually been hurting him was the sores he had developed on his foot and heel. SO wish I had followed the instinctive prompting to take it off earlier. We re-wrapped it every night after that, just to let his foot get air. He moved his leg around as if nothing had happened, and clearly had no pain (I'm still not convinced he needs the dumb cast).
SO, the blessings:
1. Spencer is mobile. He has taught me that feeling sorry for yourself when you are in the midst of a situation that cannot change is simply a waste of time and energy needed for figuring out how to live with it. He scoots around, asks for help, figures things out, and even wrestles and plays basketball with his brothers--who have so cutely accommodated him by playing 'floor ball'.
2. Spencer only has to have the non-walking hard cast for 3 weeks. Very much an answer to prayers, considering it could have been 6!! He asks to see the doctor every day. Somehow he knows that will mean the cast comes off again.
3. We are not starving...we are stretching ourselves, learning, and 'cleaning out'. There are tasty things to be had that do not involve gluten, dairy, or eggs. It isn't the same, but it's still good.
4. Kaden may already be showing signs of improvement. He has seemed more capable of dealing with 'no' for an answer, and has been more loving and patient with his brothers. Plus, more important to me than anyone, he has had bowel movements every day, with no complaints of stomach pain....only leg pain from having to sit and wait for me too long.
5. Kaden is a good sport!! When I told him we were changing our food because his body doesn't like some of the things we are eating, he didn't have an issue. He hasn't whined about not being able to have the food he's used to. He doesn't eat as much now, but he's eating and not complaining.
6. We are all learning to sacrifice. Parker and I had a bit of a cry together about the food. Josh has been SO supportive and not eaten anything he shouldn't, even when no one was watching. Tyson has tasted everything, lied about liking it, and kept eating just so I don't feel bad. (Spencer's not eating much, but I don't know if that is related to his decreased mobility or dislike of food.) I have wanted to give up because I am making EVERYTHING we eat from scratch (except Chex cereal and tortilla chips), and it's wearing me out! Besides the fact I hate being in the kitchen when I'm pregnant as a general rule anyway. But I'm not giving up--there are so many reasons why I can't.
7. Perhaps this is the unseen blessing--I'm on my feet and more busy. I'm completely exhausted every night. My body is being pushed and stretched more than I'd like it to be. But considering the circumstances surround the upcoming birth of this baby, I tend to believe this is what I NEED, whether I like it or not. So, in the end, all this stress could be a HUGE blessing. Even so far as having to carry Spencer around--which I, and he, sometimes prefer to do on my back.
In the end, we hope our prayers are answered and there are little or no foods that Kaden or any of us have to avoid for life. Josh had the impression that if we pray about it and feel like it's appropriate, Kaden, or any of us, can be healed with a priesthood blessing. So we'll definitely be praying and pondering and hoping to know the Lord's will. This is a huge deal, and can effect SO many things you don't even think about until it happens to you. And although I have a testimony that we suffer some things in this life for our good, some things may not have to be endured if we but ask the Lord.
Kaden will very likely be able to add foods back in after we purge his body for 4 weeks. So either way, I know all we are doing will not be forever. But if he had to live without gluten for life...it's a big deal. (I want to start by adding Coconut oil back in!! I know that is weird, but there is only ONE butter alternative we have found and it's REALLY expensive and can't be used in place of butter because it's a 'spread' and too watery. Coconut oil is the solution to many unsolvable issues right now! (Like good-tasting popcorn too!)
And, just to add it in--I'm feeling emotionally okay. Not great, cause I'm still pregnant, but okay. My mom has been a HUGE blessing and help. These couple additional issues have made her even more invaluable right now. I am handling things as best I can. I was doing so well I tried going off the herbal 'happy pills', but when I started hating Josh, I decided the pills better stay.
The baby is growing and seems to be fine. Still moves like crazy, especially when I lay down at night. Josh has enjoyed watching the 'show' across my belly and also feeling around to decipher body parts. I'm just glad we're closer to being done. September went by quickly, so I'll keep myself busy this month and hope it does the same.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Five months down...and I'm UP!
About three months left. Those are the interesting ones, are they not?
But I'll address that in a moment...first to catch up.
I only got worse. More psychotic. I was suicidal one weekend and had to tell Josh to hide car keys. I had a few anxiety attacks, or that's what I assume they were, which I've never had in all my life. I was completely miserable. I was sure the only way to solve ANY problem in the world (which was all world appeared to be), was to die or get the baby out one way or the other. Luckily neither happened, but I feel better.
What did happen: I called my midwife, who promptly prescribed an herbal blend for mental disorders, along with 'support'. She said both were equally important and that I was to ask friends to help watch the kids so that I could have 'mental health' time to myself. I did ask friends, but I failed to follow through. Well, one or two may have had my kids, or a couple of them, for a short time, but it was hard to accept help from people I know well enough to know what issues they have in their own lives. I'm the type that tells a person I'm helping them, no 'ifs, ands or buts'. I needed that. Ah well, at least I survived without it.
Besides not wanting to burden anyone else, I also had NOTHING I wanted to do while I was alone. I felt so alone all the time anyway, why would I want to be? I didn't want to take a walk by the lake, then I'd have to think more, and that's all I was doing. I didn't want to walk around the shops downtown, then I'd know all the things I was missing out on. Yeah, it didn't seem healthy to spend time along hating myself...so I just had the kids here, did minimal housework and childcare, and we all survived. And that was ALL we did.
I think part of that survival was due to knowing that my own mother was moving into this poor town and going to save me. She subsequently has, and I'm much better...but still pregnant, if that makes sense.
Also, there was one day over yet another weekend (seems to be the worst times because I expect Josh to make everything better...but he can't cause it's impossible), I was really quite bad again. Josh had finally had enough, and although I'm not at liberty to describe the event (although note-worthy), his reaction that day was what I must have needed. That and many prayers from others being answered, along with enough time for the herbs to possibly start working...and I chilled out. I locked myself in a room, sort of, for the rest of the day and quit. I just quit. And I've been mostly better since.
Now my chief complaints are TOO MUCH MOVEMENT! This baby won't stop. Drives me crazy. I'm one who thinks it's only sometimes fun to guess the body part that just jabbed me in one area or another, but mostly it's creepy that a living person is floating around inside of me moving at will. Reminds me of a bad alien movie (possibly Howard The Duck or Gremlins...I haven't watched either for so long).
Luckily this thing WON'T POP out of me...no matter what the ladies at church ask me: I AM NOT POPPING. I will go into LABOR and will be miserable until I DELIVER this baby from an area you and I are familiar with. DON'T ASK WHEN I WILL POP. I am not housing an alien. That is all.
I also feel HUGE. I have been told I look small, and great, and Josh says sexy...but come on people, I can see myself. Although I may 'hide' things well because of my height...I am huge. It's a fact. And from your angle WAAAAY down there, it may not look huge. Add 40 lbs to anyone, and it's not pretty...not matter where they store it.
Plus it only gets worse from here! Three more months of pure GROWTH. Ugh. I'm so tired. And fat.
Anyway, that's probably more than enough for now.
I AM SO THANKFUL to be happy, or at least not miserable. I like to be alive again, and on a few momentary occasions, I've been excited to have another little, tiny creature to take care of. I do think it's a girl, and that may be the scariest part. Hope she looks good in browns and blues and greens :).
But I'll address that in a moment...first to catch up.
I only got worse. More psychotic. I was suicidal one weekend and had to tell Josh to hide car keys. I had a few anxiety attacks, or that's what I assume they were, which I've never had in all my life. I was completely miserable. I was sure the only way to solve ANY problem in the world (which was all world appeared to be), was to die or get the baby out one way or the other. Luckily neither happened, but I feel better.
What did happen: I called my midwife, who promptly prescribed an herbal blend for mental disorders, along with 'support'. She said both were equally important and that I was to ask friends to help watch the kids so that I could have 'mental health' time to myself. I did ask friends, but I failed to follow through. Well, one or two may have had my kids, or a couple of them, for a short time, but it was hard to accept help from people I know well enough to know what issues they have in their own lives. I'm the type that tells a person I'm helping them, no 'ifs, ands or buts'. I needed that. Ah well, at least I survived without it.
Besides not wanting to burden anyone else, I also had NOTHING I wanted to do while I was alone. I felt so alone all the time anyway, why would I want to be? I didn't want to take a walk by the lake, then I'd have to think more, and that's all I was doing. I didn't want to walk around the shops downtown, then I'd know all the things I was missing out on. Yeah, it didn't seem healthy to spend time along hating myself...so I just had the kids here, did minimal housework and childcare, and we all survived. And that was ALL we did.
I think part of that survival was due to knowing that my own mother was moving into this poor town and going to save me. She subsequently has, and I'm much better...but still pregnant, if that makes sense.
Also, there was one day over yet another weekend (seems to be the worst times because I expect Josh to make everything better...but he can't cause it's impossible), I was really quite bad again. Josh had finally had enough, and although I'm not at liberty to describe the event (although note-worthy), his reaction that day was what I must have needed. That and many prayers from others being answered, along with enough time for the herbs to possibly start working...and I chilled out. I locked myself in a room, sort of, for the rest of the day and quit. I just quit. And I've been mostly better since.
Now my chief complaints are TOO MUCH MOVEMENT! This baby won't stop. Drives me crazy. I'm one who thinks it's only sometimes fun to guess the body part that just jabbed me in one area or another, but mostly it's creepy that a living person is floating around inside of me moving at will. Reminds me of a bad alien movie (possibly Howard The Duck or Gremlins...I haven't watched either for so long).
Luckily this thing WON'T POP out of me...no matter what the ladies at church ask me: I AM NOT POPPING. I will go into LABOR and will be miserable until I DELIVER this baby from an area you and I are familiar with. DON'T ASK WHEN I WILL POP. I am not housing an alien. That is all.
I also feel HUGE. I have been told I look small, and great, and Josh says sexy...but come on people, I can see myself. Although I may 'hide' things well because of my height...I am huge. It's a fact. And from your angle WAAAAY down there, it may not look huge. Add 40 lbs to anyone, and it's not pretty...not matter where they store it.
Plus it only gets worse from here! Three more months of pure GROWTH. Ugh. I'm so tired. And fat.
Anyway, that's probably more than enough for now.
I AM SO THANKFUL to be happy, or at least not miserable. I like to be alive again, and on a few momentary occasions, I've been excited to have another little, tiny creature to take care of. I do think it's a girl, and that may be the scariest part. Hope she looks good in browns and blues and greens :).
Sunday, June 5, 2011
And so it continues.
In happy news...only one heartbeat. I feel the baby move often. I don't get sick when I don't eat...I just feel faint. My 'high school' acne skin is clearing up. My hair and nails are growing well. I'm definitely, and embarrassingly, 'showing' (cause I eat too much so mostly I'm fat...seriously, the uterus part is very small still). I go back and forth about it being a boy or girl...but the Chinese Fertility Calendar says boy. Fine with me.
Now this is how I really feel:
If there was ever a time when 'rock bottom' felt like it was a few feet above me, now is it.
I realize the horrible irony that all I can do is complain while I'm pregnant when other women weep because they are not.
I have never wanted to miscarry so much in my life.
My hormones are a mess, and therefore I am. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to be alive. I can't bare taking care of my four other children most days. I do, kinda, but I don't enjoy it. They have seen A LOT more movies lately than they every have.
I live life on a rollercoaster of hell. On good days, it's like the clouds are still all around, but I can see through them to do the 'needs' of life and to even complete things. The house stays livable. We have a home-cooked dinner, usually. Diapers are changed. Clothing is washed.
On bad days, I can't stand being alone with my thoughts, with other people with my thoughts, or anywhere with my thoughts. It's nearly impossible to survive when you don't want to be alone or with anyone. It's beyond misery, really.
Josh gave Spencer a haircut yesterday. Spencer was screaming. I said, "just shave it off, then he won't need another one." Yeah, that was sarcasm. I LOVE Spencer's hair.
Josh shaved it off.
I cried when I saw him and haven't really looked at him since. I want someone to take him away until he's 'him' again.
I HATE that it's always ME that ruins everything. That's one small example.
The other horrible irony is that I think I have some 'tools' or ideas that would help me be better, or actually enjoy something again...but I'm so apathetic that I don't try anything. And right now I hate the thought of working. I want SO MUCH for someone to take care of ME for a change. I'm paralyzed by the idea of it, really.
Can't someone else decide what I should dress my now fat, huge, ugly body with?
Can someone make me a breakfast that this parasite in me needs? Along with snacks, lunch and dinner? I'm failing miserably...even now I have a whole carton of ice cream in front of me, and no care in the world if I stop before it's all gone.
Can someone else love and be tender to my sweet boys, who need it so much? I can't seem to do that anymore. I can be nice...but I can't do more.
Can someone sit down with Josh and me and hear us out and then tell us how to manage our marriage, children, house, yard, cars, insurance, money, and lives...so that we don't just have to survive this, but enjoy it?
And mostly, can someone tell me how to deal with every emotion I have that so quickly get blown out of proportion to where I am incapable of living?
Please? Someone.
Now this is how I really feel:
If there was ever a time when 'rock bottom' felt like it was a few feet above me, now is it.
I realize the horrible irony that all I can do is complain while I'm pregnant when other women weep because they are not.
I have never wanted to miscarry so much in my life.
My hormones are a mess, and therefore I am. I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to be alive. I can't bare taking care of my four other children most days. I do, kinda, but I don't enjoy it. They have seen A LOT more movies lately than they every have.
I live life on a rollercoaster of hell. On good days, it's like the clouds are still all around, but I can see through them to do the 'needs' of life and to even complete things. The house stays livable. We have a home-cooked dinner, usually. Diapers are changed. Clothing is washed.
On bad days, I can't stand being alone with my thoughts, with other people with my thoughts, or anywhere with my thoughts. It's nearly impossible to survive when you don't want to be alone or with anyone. It's beyond misery, really.
Josh gave Spencer a haircut yesterday. Spencer was screaming. I said, "just shave it off, then he won't need another one." Yeah, that was sarcasm. I LOVE Spencer's hair.
Josh shaved it off.
I cried when I saw him and haven't really looked at him since. I want someone to take him away until he's 'him' again.
I HATE that it's always ME that ruins everything. That's one small example.
The other horrible irony is that I think I have some 'tools' or ideas that would help me be better, or actually enjoy something again...but I'm so apathetic that I don't try anything. And right now I hate the thought of working. I want SO MUCH for someone to take care of ME for a change. I'm paralyzed by the idea of it, really.
Can't someone else decide what I should dress my now fat, huge, ugly body with?
Can someone make me a breakfast that this parasite in me needs? Along with snacks, lunch and dinner? I'm failing miserably...even now I have a whole carton of ice cream in front of me, and no care in the world if I stop before it's all gone.
Can someone else love and be tender to my sweet boys, who need it so much? I can't seem to do that anymore. I can be nice...but I can't do more.
Can someone sit down with Josh and me and hear us out and then tell us how to manage our marriage, children, house, yard, cars, insurance, money, and lives...so that we don't just have to survive this, but enjoy it?
And mostly, can someone tell me how to deal with every emotion I have that so quickly get blown out of proportion to where I am incapable of living?
Please? Someone.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
And on to misery....
Oh how I dislike being pregnant. As long as I eat all day long I don't feel nauseous. As long as I drink enough I use the restroom every hour to two hours. As long as I eat just the right amount (whatever that is) at just the right time of night (whenever that is) I don't feel sick while trying to fall asleep. And as long as no one talks to me, makes messes or needs me to feed them...no one gets hurt.
I'm tired of waking up to go potty.
I'm tired.
I am not a nice person when I'm pregnant...that's the bottom line. I have moments where I like people in general, but otherwise I'd rather be in a cave.
That's not true. If someone cooks for me and cleans up my mess, or any given mess of any one of my children, I'm pretty much in love with them. Unless it's my poor husband (who deserves LOTS of praise for putting up with me), then I just get mad cause he didn't do more, or didn't do something JUST right. I'm a crazy woman.
That's that.
I think I've gained 10lbs, which is NOT okay with me. I had great delusions of being one of those super skinny pregnant women. I MIGHT have been able to pull that off if EVERYTHING didn't sound so stinkin' good, and if I always wanted the easiest thing to put in my mouth. That has included all sorts of things I haven't eaten for a year. Yup, butt and thighs are back to big.
That's really hard. I worked for MONTHS to get down to 140lbs.....for WHAT??? Well, I guess to know I could do it, I WILL do it again, and it wasn't really that bad. Oh, and to know I like being skinny and healthy.
So that's all for this month. I hate it. I want to be done (but not to miscarry cause then I'd have to do it all again).
I still only say I'm pregnant, not having a baby....cause I don't want to be too attached in case I DO miscarry. I already bought a little pink snow suit. I think it's a boy. My body doesn't know HOW to be pregnant with a girl, and I sure do like me some pickles, meat, and generally salty foods. In my book, that's all boy.
So, sorry to those having boys and to whom I had casually offered ALL my boys stuff. Looks like it may not make it past our house....boys are hard on things.
I'm tired of waking up to go potty.
I'm tired.
I am not a nice person when I'm pregnant...that's the bottom line. I have moments where I like people in general, but otherwise I'd rather be in a cave.
That's not true. If someone cooks for me and cleans up my mess, or any given mess of any one of my children, I'm pretty much in love with them. Unless it's my poor husband (who deserves LOTS of praise for putting up with me), then I just get mad cause he didn't do more, or didn't do something JUST right. I'm a crazy woman.
That's that.
I think I've gained 10lbs, which is NOT okay with me. I had great delusions of being one of those super skinny pregnant women. I MIGHT have been able to pull that off if EVERYTHING didn't sound so stinkin' good, and if I always wanted the easiest thing to put in my mouth. That has included all sorts of things I haven't eaten for a year. Yup, butt and thighs are back to big.
That's really hard. I worked for MONTHS to get down to 140lbs.....for WHAT??? Well, I guess to know I could do it, I WILL do it again, and it wasn't really that bad. Oh, and to know I like being skinny and healthy.
So that's all for this month. I hate it. I want to be done (but not to miscarry cause then I'd have to do it all again).
I still only say I'm pregnant, not having a baby....cause I don't want to be too attached in case I DO miscarry. I already bought a little pink snow suit. I think it's a boy. My body doesn't know HOW to be pregnant with a girl, and I sure do like me some pickles, meat, and generally salty foods. In my book, that's all boy.
So, sorry to those having boys and to whom I had casually offered ALL my boys stuff. Looks like it may not make it past our house....boys are hard on things.
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